I'm in a good spot right now. The best that I've had since seizure #1 which was 3 years ago. And I'm grateful for that.
But I'm not living in the present. I'm living in fear of what tomorrow might bring. The crash will come - it's the nature of this illness. Maybe next week. Maybe next month or next year. The meds will poop out. I'll have another seizure.
Because I know it must come to an end, I don't trust this good spot that im in. I'm afraid to relax and enjoy myself. I'm afraid of… read more
I remember those early days in my life , I was in 6th or 7th grade . I was getting frustrated, depressed, confused, and all these mixed emotions on why I have Epilepsy. I felt, I was the only one in this world with epilepsy. I went into deep depression, I would sit in my bedroom with my lights off sitting on my bed trying to understand my life. And spiraling more into depression. To make this part of the story short , my mom took me to a Psychologist for a few months. Then I started going the the Epilepsy Foundation for support groups and camping events. That's when I started to learning between the staff and the group of people living with epilepsy.
Now days I try and think of life like a BUCKET LIST. There are things I am willing to do and try before I die . I am a thrill seeke. I've been to a few different amusement parks and rode on many roller coasters and other thrill rides. A couple of things I haven't done that I want to do is zip line at Georgia's ultimate zip line, called the Canopy Tours . It goes over a mile . Another thing I would like to do is parachuting out of a plane .
But like Forest Gump's Mom always told him . Life Is Like a Box Of Chocolate. But for us, every day would one of the single chocolates in the box. We are always expecting a different outcome everyday.
I live one day at a time, in my moment. I've got short term memory loss from a car accident 12 years ago; I definitely do not live in past moments. I don't remember my life, anything I do. It all ends up eventually going away. I plan things out to do for in the future, such as doctor appointments or visiting a friend, but a lot of times I don't remember that I'm planning to do something until I read it again, or maybe even again after that. It is an incredibly hard thing to deal with.
Yogi Bhajan quote: “In your life there will be good days and bad days, normal days and abnormal days, right days and wrong days, but you must understand that every day has to be followed by a night and every life has to end. Don't waste your life in reactions. ”
@A MyEpilepsyTeam Member
My dad used to say, I'll worry about that for about half a second.
We can't control anything in our lives, not the weather, the kick of an unborn child that we are carrying, the way we feel when we meet the right person or when a loved one passes away.
Personally I choose to let God take care of me. He knows my heart and loves me more than anyone. This illness saved my marriage, funny story. If I don't live my life for Christ and show the love he has shown me daily then I'm not living. I've given my illness back to him. It's no longer mine. He has control afterall. I don't. You can't live in the past and you surely can't live in the future so live today and be in the moment. Enjoy what you doing and who your with.
@A MyEpilepsyTeam Member inspiring. We should never let our epilepsy have the upper hand.
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